Saturday, 16 January 2016

Not the 9 0'Clock News

Tourists stuck in El Salvador........
Reports of travellers in trouble are coming in from the Central American country of El Salvador.
"It's not that they can't leave" explains our roving reporter R Swipe, it's more a case of they can't go. Yes, amazingly despite foreigners expecting constant bouts of 'toilet trouble' whilst visiting the horrendously dangerous, filthy, gun-ridden, drug dealer haven of El Salvador it seems that the total opposite is occurring.
"Ya I waz twooly zinking I'd be getting a visit from Mr Big Bubble Guts" said one intrepid explorer Ms B. Ackpaka from Germany "But no, ze troof iz mine gutten iz totally blocken.
An American traveller, Mr Frank T Alker said "The thing is I just can't take a damn shit".
C.A.M.P. - The Central American Ministry for Poo confirmed that many travellers in the region had been complaining of similar symptoms, they have put it down to an increase in healthy adventurers like cyclists exploring in the region.

No Grandmothers required in southern El Salvador.......
Reports are coming in that an English couple have managed to cycle 62km in El Salvador without the use of Granny Gear. Our local correspondent Scott Stronglegs managed a quick telephone interview with the couple, Lord & Lady Thrompington Smythe who had this comment. "Well yes, it's been a jolly good show old boy. It was a close call several times with Granny, almost as if she'd slipped her false teeth in, put down her knitting but never actually had to get out of her rocking chair" he snorted. Mr Stronglegs added that he'd never heard of anyone achieving a monumental feat such as this and  said it was therefore a world record. Lady Thrompington Smythe said that although she didn't actually manage to not "call upon granny" that she was more than happy to bask in the glory of the whole affair, commenting further that she'd personally write to the Queen, suggesting that January 16th be re named National Granny Day.

Tourists robbed in broad daylight........
A homeless English couple were robbed in broad daylight today in the town of Zacatecoluca, El Salvador. The couple were checking into a dive of a hotel on the main highway when the heinous crime occurred our local correspondent  Robin B Astards reports. The victims, a Mr & Mrs Cuthburt D Ibblengrub said "We asked the owner how much the room was and when she said $20 we had no option but to hand our hard earned cash over. The whole thing was so scary, she just stood there smiling, what else could we do". The couple added that they would probably give the hotel a low review on Trip Advisor when they got home but seeing as they haven't got one that this may be a little tricky. A spokesman from the UK FCO, a Mr S Pokesman had no comment except to say "No comment"

In sports......
No sports news today, we don't like sports news

The weather.......


  1. Hello you two, I am behind again so need to catch up with your progress. Mucho imaginative post Will, I think you may have had too much sun!

  2. Anyone ever told you you're bloody hilarious Will Wilkins. Keep coming back to this one for another giggle.

  3. Not hilarious just keeping my mind occupied on the road. We bought some prunes, it's helped x